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Sunday 15 June 2014

Free Funny Jokes

Free Funny Jokes Defination

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How do you keep four blondes entertained in a bar? Turn the bar stool upside down. That's pretty funny.

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Son: Dad, everyone in my class is talking about vaginas, but I don't get it. What do they look like?

Dad: Well son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose.

Son: So what does it look like after sex?

Dad: Hmm...Lemme put it this way...have you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonaise?

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A husband said to his wife, "Honey, can I take a picture of your breasts so I can see them whenever I want?" And the wife replied, "Yeah, sure. But then I get to take a picture of your shlong so I can get it enlarged."

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*NEWSFLASH* Snow White was chucked out of Disney World. She reportedly pulled up her skirt, sat on Pinnochio's face and said, "LIE BASTARD, LIE"

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So a guy is walking down the street and he sees a sign outside a bar that says, "Pianist Wanted." The guy goes into the bar and says, "Hi, I saw the sign outside your bar." The owner says, "Oh yes. Can you play piano?" The guy says, "Well, I haven't played in a few years, but I used to be quite good at it." The owner gestures to a piano in the corner and says, "Show me what you can do." The guy goes over and starts to play the most beautiful piece that the bar owner has ever heard. When he's finished the owner says, "That was so amazing. What is it called?" The guy says, "Oh, it's called Your Mom Is A Big Fat Slut. I wrote it myself." The owner is a little weirded out, but says, "Okay, whatever. What else can you play?" The guy begins to play another song. This one is even more beautiful than the other one, and by the end the owner feels his eyes tearing. He says, "That is so impressive." The guy says, "Thank you. It's called Your Sister Slept With The Football Team. I wrote it myself" After a bit of thinking, the owner says, "Well, you get the job. Come around tonight, and just do your thing. People will request songs, but you just have to remember NOT to tell them the title of the song."

So the guy goes home, and at 8pm, he dons his old tux. However, because he hasn't worn it in a while, and he's gained some weight over the years, he can only fit into it if he isn't wearing underwear. But no matter, he goes to the bar.

While he's walking there, he realizes that he dropped his money, so he bends down to pick it up. What he doesn't realize though, is that when he bends over, his pants split open.

So now he's in the bar, and everyone loves his piano skills. Then some chick comes up to him and says, "Hey guy, do you know your fat hairy balls are showing?" The guy looks up and smiles proudly, saying, "Oh yes! I wrote it myself!"
funny jokes are something that someone tells and everyone else pretends to laugh at.
by Tinkerbelll May 21, 2004
used by chavs nad townies to express something that is very funny

*also used by dudeish alternative peeps to take the piss out of said chavs and townies*
Example 1

chav a: ah look ma wizzle dat dude's jus' fallen down on his arse

chav b: man dat is bare jokes!!! lets go watch trisha

chav a: aight

Example 2

chav (to dude): ha. your clothes are bare jokes

dude: yeah and your mums face is "bare jokes"
by alternative dudess October 26, 2004
:Dictionary: The only place where divorce comes before marriage.

:College: A place where some pursue learning and others learn pursuing.

:Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous homelife.

:Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

:Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

:Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

:Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

:Marriage: It is an agreement in which a man loses his bachelors degree and woman gains her master's.

:Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.

:Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

:Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.

:Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

:Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken off when dead.

:Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

:Optimist: A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

:Pessimist: A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, instead of the first letter in the word OPPORTUNITY

:Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

:Criminal: A guy no different from the rest of us .... except that he got caught.

:Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and shakes your confidence after.

:Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills

Free Funny Jokes