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Oneline Jokes Defination

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Why accountants don't read novels? Because the only numbers in them are page numbers. Why do accountants make good lovers? They're great with figures. If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what does she say? "Darling, could you tell me about your work." What is the definition of "accountant"? Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand. What do accountants do for fun? Add the telephone book! Why don't old accountants never die? They just lose their balance! What is the definition of a good tax accountant? Someone who has a loophole named after him. How do you know when an accountant is on holiday? He doesn't wear a tie and comes in after 8am! Why did God invent economists? So accountants could have someone to laugh at. What does an accountant use for birth control? His personality. What's the difference between an accountant and a lawyer? The accountant knows he is boring. What's an extroverted accountant? One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own. What do you call an accountant who is seen talking to someone? Popular How do you drive an accountant completely insane? Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way. What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do? Go into town and gang-audit someone. What does an accountant say when you ask him the time? It's 9.18 am and 12 seconds; no wait - 13 seconds, no wait - 14 seconds, no wait...... Why was the accountant so excited that he completed a jigsaw puzzle in only 59 weeks? Because on the box it said 8-12 Years. Why did the accountant stare at his glass of orange juice for three hours? Because on the box it said Concentrate. What's the difference between the male sperm and an accountant? The sperm has a 1 in 250,000 chance of becoming human. When does a person decide to become an accountant? When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker. What's an actuary? An accountant without the sense of humour. Why do some accountants decide to become actuaries? They find bookkeeping too exciting. What do actuaries do to liven up their office party? Invite an accountant.

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A "one-note joke" is a character with so few dimensions it's difficult to see him (or her -- or, occasionally, them) from most angles. The one-note joke may have served a valid purpose when the author introduces the character(s), but if the ONJ shows up twice, you get a feeling of déjà vu, and by the third time you find yourself asking "is that all they do?"

Entire movies, novels, and even series of works have been written around a one-note joke. Call it "high concept" if you wish, but there is nothing to it but a single premise and a lot of giving the audience exactly what they expect over and over again. One note, played again and again.

The Aristocrats is a good example of one such movie. – Tester101 Feb 21 '11 at 17:36

Is it totally analogous to the concept of a stock character? – Uticensis Feb 22 '11 at 3:44

Similar, but not identical. A stock character can merely be one whose appearance in the narrative is predictable. There's nothing to prevent the stock character from becoming a fully-fleshed-out, interesting character (well, nothing but the author, that is), but once the character becomes something more that a predictable collection of catch phrases (or similar), he or she would cease to be a one-note joke. Try to imagine Bill and Ted's Excellent Ethical Quandary. – bye Feb 22 '11 at 11:38

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One-note is an expression that describes something repetitive, in the same manner as the same note played over and over again.

A one-note joke is a joke that is repeated with little or no variation. It's also an expression for a character or story built around a single cliché or stereotype, often used to describe it's two-dimensional appearance.

A repeated joke can be used to great effect, and the repetition then becomes a joke in itself. However, it can also easily fail and become annoying instead.

Here is a set of samplings from the one-liner file. When processing

submissions, if I see a short joke that is good but doesn't quite merit

a posting of its own, I put it in the one-liner file. I haven't

posted the results for quite some time, so some of these are pretty old.

I have split the file up into 10 chunks of around 300 lines each. Some

newsreaders go crazy and try to "undigestify" this -- beware.

= = = = = = =

From: rbk@sequent.com (Bob Beck)

Subject: Joke Submission

I hope you find this useful - I found it hilarious when my friend related

the story ...

A friend was trying to describe some of the "facts of life" to his 15 year

old son...

"It's a fact of life... Males are born with 2 heads, but only enough

blood to operate one at a time!"

= = = = = = =

Organization: Genesis Public Access Minix

From: savarese%genesis.uucp@gte.com (Dave Savarese)

Subject: joke

Your mother's so old, when I told her to act her age, she died.

= = = = = = =

From: scrl@hplb.hpl.hp.com (Simon Lewis)

Subject: Prostitution at Disney

Heard on the BBC's "Have I got News for You" programme...

It seems prostitutes have already moved into the hotels at the new

EuroDisney resort outside Paris. Apparently the cost is $50 to do

it Goofy style, or $100 for a straight Donald Duck.

= = = = = = =

From: Two things never trust: Politicians and angle trisectors.

Subject: Atheist's Manifesto

[Original, but from a friend who doesn't want to be identified :]

Atheist's Manifesto:

"Kill 'em all, and let nobody sort 'em out."

= = = = = = =

From: barach@hal.com (David Barach)

Subject: workstations are like toothbrushes

"Workstations are like toothbrushes. Nobody else may use mine,

especially not while I'm using it!"

- Robbert Van Renesse, during his talk at the Usenix

Microkernel Workshop.

= = = = = = =

From: mdavis@engr.Trinity.EDU (M. Davis)

Subject: Cooks' names

This was told to me by a friend:

His mother was apparently watching an old western movie with a friend,

and this friend asked if cooks in the old west were all called "Cookie".

My friends mother replied, "No, not all of them. Some were called Bernie."

-Matt Davis

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From: N.R.Ellis@durham.ac.uk (NigelR. Ellis)

q: What's the difference between hardware and software ?

a: You can kick the hardware.....

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From: auwen@starman.convex.com (John David Auwen)

Subject: joke submission (heard it)

Q. Why should you always take 2 Baptists with you when you go fishing?

A. Because if you only take 1, he'll drink all your beer!

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From: jmurphy@DaVinci.soe.uoguelph.ca (Jim Murphy)

Subject: office one-liner, definition of stress

Some office one-liners from various anonymous sources collected over

the past 5 years or so.

*********************************************************************

No problem is so formidable that you can't just walk away from it.

To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.

If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.

If it works, don't fix it!

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary form.

People with narrow mind usually have broad tongues.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own

form of misery.

All work and no play, will may you a manager.

Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it!

I like your approach, now let's see your departure.

Definition of Stress:

That confusion that results when the mind overrides the body's

desire to choke the living shit out of some asshole who

desperately needs it.

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From: N.R.Ellis@durham.ac.uk (NigelR. Ellis)

Subject: Animal Joke

Origin: Sharon Bennett (s.l.bennet@durham.ac.uk)

Submitted-By: Nigel Ellis (N.R.Ellis@durham.ac.uk)

Q: What has got two legs and bleeds ?

A: Half a dog...

Nigel.

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From: 94FC@williams.edu (fIREHOSE)

Subject: golfing

If you are ever caught in a thunderstorm while playing golf, the best way

to keep from being struck by lightening is to pull out a 9-iron and hold it

above your head, because not even God can hit a 9-iron.

= = = = = = =

From: U25042@UICVM.UIC.EDU (Bob Jackiewicz )

Subject: Teamsters

Heard on WLUP in Chicago...

What do Teamsters and sperm have in common?

Only 1 in 1000 work.

= = = = = = =

From: rice@bulean.enet.dec.com (Tim Rice - DTN 226-7197 04-May-1992 1526)

Subject: Marines are like bananas

This was told to be eons ago by a Navy Chief:

Marines are like bananas;

they're born green;

they turn yellow;

and they die in bunches.